Women, children and dogs are loved unconditionally. Not men.

If you date a girl, your friend will be like, what does she look like.

If you date a guy, your friend will be like, what does he do.

It’s a cold world for men if he can’t provide.

My Dad left home to work at 6:30am every day and came home at 8:30pm.

The hours in between no contact whatsoever for my parents.

So they probably even missed each other.

In our time, we don’t miss no one as they’re in our pockets all the time.

My 16-year marriage feels even more than my parents 40-years marriage.

Facebook, Instagram, you name it, I knew what you did for the whole day.

I’ve liked 5 of your photos, and gave you 3 smile faces. What more do you want from me?!

The key to marriage is fxxxing.

As all the problems were already there before you got into it.

The dishes weren’t clean then and they’re not clean now.

The difference is that you were getting fxxxed so that all is excusable.

Bully-free school is not a place good for children.

In school, children need to learn how to deal with bullies.

So that when they’re in the society, they know how to deal with these people.

During a divorce, the one in the marriage who has a higher salary should be paying for the legal fee of both parties.

Three lawyers for my wife and three for me.

I look at all these people, they were well-educated .

They got up in the morning brushing their teeth, thinking that I gotta get the mother-fxxxers money today.

I wasn’t born rich. I work hard. And they were all after my money.

So I suddenly realize that I’ve made it. [Applause]

You gonna take a photo of the good time that you spend with you children cos you may need it one day as a receipt of love requested by the court to help you get the custody.

Hi Mon, Drake helped me with my homework.

Lady gaga made me a grilled sandwich.

You stayed in a relationship for too long that you don’t realize you’re ugly and old.

Rihanna looked at me the way she looks at her aunt.

I’m Chris Rock not Chris Brown.

NOTE: All of the above is not exact words of Mr. Rock, just what i remembered from the show.